Photo Of A Cup Of Coffee

Posted September 23, 2010 By admin

Photo Of A Cup Of Coffee
What do you think of this poem? The rest of my life.?

It goes with a photo.
A friend asked me to make a poem for a photo of his of the same title and this is it.

For the rest of my life I will just lay here
And think about the world.
I’ll think about what I won’t do wrong
How can they avoid me now?

I’ve been here for days in so many different ways
The world goes by unknowing
I feel sorry for the kid playing outside
He doesn’t know what is in store

Maybe he will try to “find God” and add
Oil to a dusty road
Bust as he lays the oil the cars keep driving
And the dust keeps blinding

I’ve almost finished with my last cup of coffee
And I’ve been awake all night
So if you’ll excuse me I must prepare my bed
For the rest of my life.
Maybe if you see it with his photo it will be clear.

http://flickr.com/photos/deadbooga/2610617262/in/set-72157605811021643/

I like it, but i think it would be more effective if I could also see the picture and if there was more punctuation (for emphasis and for an easier read).

Other than that i really like the poem, the image of the kid laying oil to keep the road from being so dusty, but just being covered by it is really effective.

The last line in the second stanza I think would flow better is it said "what's" instead of "what is." And the first line of the last stanza I don't think you need the word "with," it would sound better, in my opinion at least, to just say, "I've almost finished my last cup of coffee."

I am no poet or expert, so I may not be the best person to critique your work, but I hate it when I ask others to look at it and all they said is "good work." I hope I helped.